Shouting at the world 'cause no one's listening...

DAMN I WISH MY MAKEUP CAME OFF THAT EASY

alternative-pokemon-art:

I’M SORRY I KNOW THIS ISN’T POKEMON BUT I’VE SHARED THIS ABOUT SIX TIMES ON MY OWN BLOG AND I THINK THEY’RE GETTING TIRED OF IT SO I’M GOING TO SHARE IT HERE INSTEAD

some guy on omegle: I don't understand bisexuality! How does it work? I'm not trying to be offensive, but really, how can someone be bisexual? how can they like both?!
my sister: Do you want me to explain it to you?
omegle guy: Sure.
my sister: Do you like cake?
omegle guy: Yes.
my sister: Do you like cookies?
omegle guy: Yes.
my sister: Oh my god! How is that possible? How can you like both?! I don't understand how you could like both!
omegle guy:
my sister:
omegle guy:
my sister:
omegle guy: I don't know why I never understood this.

tuggeyjones:

armpithairs:

instead of having periods girls should just lay eggs with little prizes inside

image

Things my dad says about Frozen:

jaelafish:

(Elsa building a castle)

"Bitch is a waterbender"

(Elsa struts out)

"SEXY HIP TWITCH"

(Snowing while driving)

"Starting to hate that skank"

(Hans is charming Anna)

"Take notes son, this guy is a douche yet gets the ladies"

(Going to turn off the tv/radio/internet while let it go is playing)

"DO THAT AND I’LL KICK YOUR ASS"

-My dad, ladies and gentlemen

This Is No Time For Dad Jokes!

pbh3:

Dad Jokes

filitheknifeless:

so i am rereading harry potter and the order of the phoenix, and i reached page 666; and the first word on that page is umbridge

image

dickpunch69:

NO WINDOWS I JUST WANT TO FORCE QUIT A PROGRAM DONT TRY TO LOOK FOR A SOLUTION ACCEPT DEATH AND FACE OBLIVION

learnhowtoadult:

For many folks, it’s graduation (or summer job) season.

In this week’s video, “How to be a Resumé Wizard,” we discuss how to write a resumé, how to get a job, and answer this age-old enigma: How the frak do you get a job if every job requires previous job experience?!

If you’d like to see more weekly “How to Adult” videos from Elmify, T. Michael Martin, and Hank & John Green, be sure to subscribe!

lupinslover:

James Potter sat up in the wizard afterlife just watching Fred and George fucking shit up like:

  • LILY THEY HAVE THE MAP
  • LILY LOOK AT THE SWAMP THATS BLOODY BRILLIANT
  • HAHA FUCK FILCH
  • HAHA FUCK UMBRIDGE
  • FUCKING INSANE ASS FIREWORKS LILY LOOK HOW FAR PRANKING HAS EVOLVED
  • I COULD HAVE IMPROVED MY PRANKING EFFICIENCY BY 47% IF HAD WEASLEYS WIZARDS WHEEZES
  • NO FRED DIED

Then when Fred comes to the afterlife James is like I’m a big fan of your work, btw I’m Prongs no need to thank me.

hijacked-ish:

brookeeverdeen:

when you’re reading a book and the main character dies

image

despookinator:

what if u could put ppl on vibrate like phones so instead of talking 2 u they would just shake

mygayshoes:

Today I saw a dude try to physically remove a teenage girl from the disabled seating on the train, complaining about his weak ankles and hypertension and how pathetic and discourteous youth were.

She literally threw her prosthetic leg at him.

thegirlincendio:

Fuck you in 20 years they could be playing Hedwig’s Theme at the grocery store and I will throw cereal boxes to the ground and break open jugs of milk while screaming “HARRY LIVES!”

nonespark:

nissan420sx:

turningthetech:

you`re fucking kidding me

AMERICAN NINJA WARIOR

A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK

nonespark:

nissan420sx:

turningthetech:

you`re fucking kidding me

AMERICAN NINJA WARIOR

A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK